Journal Entries about my 2 relationships:
September 19-25
Post 1-
One relationship that I choose is my twin sister, Jerissa. At this point we were still growing together, despite being 2,018 miles apart. We never grew close together in our teen years until this year. I do not know what made us wake up and smell the roses. It isn't hard being away from her yet, but I have a feeling that it will be. She has always been my other half, no matter how much we argued. She was always my best friend, but it didn't truly feel like it until this last few months that just went by. I want to draw closer to her.
The other relationship I choose is my mom. Right now I am at that point where I am trying to include her. Before, due to my severe depression, I did not want her nosing into my life. Even though I still suffer with bipolar disorder, which will be a life long thing, I still have strong ties to depression, but I am learning to go to her for comfort. And I am learning more about her as times goes. I want to get an understanding of how she understands me and what her viewpoints are and how she feels about certain things, and I also want to get closer to her.
Post 2-
My sister and I haven't spoken to each other but once this week. I guess she wants space and I am not exactly liking that. Mom says that Jerissa is not doing well with me being away and that honestly hurts. So I guess I can say I am kind of being ignored by my own sister.
My mom however, we speak to each other every night and I am sure we will keep this up because I enjoy speaking to her. She makes an awesome end to a horrible day on the bad days and she is the cherry on top to good days.
September 26- October 2
Post 1-
My twin sister is speaking to me a little more this week, she frequently tells me that she misses me. Right now she is occupying herself with her job as a pre-school teacher, or early childhood intervention. We text each other every other day for about an hour or so. I just want to be able to talk to her more and know she isn’t feeling sad about me being gone.
Post 2-
My mom and I are still talking to each other every night, except for the night that I wound up hitting my head and being sent to the hospital, she had a bad feeling something was wrong the next morning when it was my best friend, Kirsten, calling and not me. Talk about mothers intuition.
October 3-9
Post 1-
My twin sister seems to really not be handling everything well. I am about right there with her. We are speaking more and more and I am starting to miss her a ton. It is getting to the point of tears for me. I learned that she resigned from working at the pre-school to work for an investigating firm. She is always so driven to go for higher and better things. We haven’t argued yet, which is good.
My mom and I still talk every night and I definitely feel it drawing us closer. I find myself telling her things that I never told her. It makes her laugh and sometimes I am shocked when she tells me that she actually knew certain things when I thought she had no clue. I have also gotten to the point where I tell her how I am feeling. She is starting to understand my battle with depression, and now my battle with chronic AIHA. I know it pains her to know I am in a lot of pain at times.
Post 2-
My twin and I haven’t spoken for this second half of the week. But I do find myself frequently thinking about her and wondering how she is feeling and such.
My mom and I have had a few interesting conversations, they are becoming a little shorter these last 2 days because I am starting to feel sick, but she still encourages me to get some rest just like any mom would.
October 10-16
Post 1-
I miss my sister soooo much right now. We had a long phone conversation, it was hard for us both. Earlier today she was kicking the ball back and forth with the wall outside of the house back at home- apparently she was bored and had a day off. Mom said she looked outside and saw Jerissa crying at some point. Jerissa told mom it was because she really wanted me home and missed me. That tore me apart. I really do miss her and I miss the fun we would have playing soccer or throwing the softball back and forth. This week has made me realize that our bond is stronger than I thought.
My mom is amazing and the best. I actually got to video chat with her this time and I cried. Oh, how I missed her. This time we were able to talk about more things and she was able to read some of my facial expressions and really tell how I was feeling. Granted I have had the flu all week so it was nice to “see” my mom. She got onto me about drinking enough water though because she could tell by my voice that I was dehydrated. I realize more and more everyday just how caring she is.
Post 2-
I haven’t spoken to Jerissa, I really don’t feel well enough to talk to her. I just need to rest. On the bright side I dream about her a lot.
Mom calls every morning and night for a few minutes to see how I am feeling, and asking if she needs to do anything for me. Really, I just want to sleep and try not to get any sicker than I am now.
October 17-23
Post 1-
My twin sister is loving her new job and is going for her private investigating certificate and license soon. She makes me so proud!
My mom is relieved over the fact that I am now able to eat and drink. That’s a plus right? I haven’t had a lto fo time to talk to her except for the good nights and I love you’s. Which I am still grateful for because I need those I love you’s at the end of the day.
Post 2-
So, I have learned that sometimes going to you sister for something’s isn’t the brightest idea. But we actually grew closer through it. It was a personal situation in which I needed advice and it led to a small argument but we worked through it. And by the end of the conversation we were laughing like nothing had happened at all.
I also went to my mom for advice on the same situation. She was much calmer while I ranted and raved my much needed rant. Which shocked me. I guess she is realizing that now that I am coming to her for things that all I really need to do is rant and be told I love you and have a hug and be told things that I need to do in a calm manner. I know our relationship is getting so much stronger just by frequent conversations.
October 24-30
Post 1-
I am deciding that with my twin sister I wont talk to her at all this week, but instead send her a letter and small gift, in the mail and see how that goes.
With mom, I am talking to her every other day and sending her a letter as well with a small gift in there as well.
Post 2-
It is the end of the week and Jerissa got her small gift and she loved it! I got her a sock monkey beanie. She loves sock monkeys and so do I. but I think her letter was her favorite part. How do I know? Mom said she slept with it tucked and folded under her pillow. If that makes Jerissa happy, so be it.
My mom enjoyed her letter and inside joke gift. And I also made up for the less phone calls by having a 2 hour long phone conversation with her about softball this weekend and how we did. She misses seeing me play out in the softball field like high school, middle, and elementary times. We talked and laughed over those old times and my pretty shiner I got on my cheek from where I was hind catcher and never cried but laughed and showed my mom, “Hey mommy! Looky at my shinny!”- I was 12 when that happened. Gave us tons of laughter looking back on it.
October 31- November 6
My twin sister and I have not spoken to each other at all this week. She has been sick and has needed her rest. So I let her do so.
My mom told me what was wrong with Jerissa. She ran out of her seizure medicine so she has been having seizures and migraines. I figured by then it was best to let her rest. Mom and I spoke and we decided that it was best for me to come home for Thanksgiving considering my Daddy is really missing me (that is what I get for being the youngest). My mom is too, lots. She finally admit that she has had a few breakdowns about me not being home anymore. She is ready to have me back, whether it be just for 4 days.
November 7-13
Jerissa hasn’t been doing well and I am wondering if she will be ok, I am sure she will though. Her and I haven’t always had it easy but we both pull through everything. She still hasn’t emerged from her room back at home but for the basic, the bathroom. Mom told me that she has to make sure she eats or else she wont. However, Jerissa has asked about me a few times, asking mom if she spoke to me, so I know she cares.
Mom and I are still at our routine where we talk every night. I have my plane tickets set for going home thanks to my mom. We have decided to keep it a surprise for my sister. A funny thing happened while talking on the phone. I told her about how when Jerissa and I were little one of us would stand on one end of the great room while the other would be at the fridge chugging Pepsi. The one standing on the other side would warn when mom was coming. It gave her a good laugh and she admit that she never knew. I know her and I are growing closer and I don’t want it to stop.
November 14-20
Jerissa finally called me today and I was really happy to talk to her, even if it was for 5 minutes. It was hard to talk to her thought because it is getting hard for me to not slip about me coming home and ruining the whole shebang surprise. But, she asked what I was doing for Thanksgiving, well, I lied and told her that I was going to Southern California and that I was taking the bus with a friend there. She ranted about how she would have preferred to have me home. She has no idea. So yeah, I am excited.
Mom has been preparing everything with me for me to come home. We have to do salt lake express tickets to SLC airport and plan how we are doing the surprise- I think mom is just going to pick me up and scare Jerissa because mom never leaves for 8 hours at a time. It takes 3 hours to get to the airport back at home. Mom and I are just laughing at the fact that Jerissa just might freak out and wonder why mom isn’t home yet at 1 am.
November 21-27
I am home and my relationship with my sister is better than ever! The surprise was fun! Jerissa actually cried like a baby that had its bottle taken away when she saw me. It was priceless. I of course cried too. What can I say I have missed her. This week her and I have done so many things!! We went to Thanksgiving dinner, suffered black Friday by driving to the city to have Panera Bread for lunch, and even had a slight disagreement as to who was putting the top on the tree- turns out we both put it on. We shared a room while I was home and she handled it pretty well considering we only had crawl space because I choose the huge king size air mattress. She wasn’t to happy about that, but she did take advantage of it my last night there, kicking me onto her small twin bed while she slept on the huge air mattress.
My mom and I also spent a lot of time together. When she picked me up from the airport she had Wendy’s frosty and fries and a few Dr. Enufs ready for me. They are my faves!!! I was most defiantly super happy. I had spend 23 hours on a bus, plane, and layovers. It was a long trip. I cried when I saw my mom and I didn’t realize just how much I had missed her. We spoke most of the way back home until I fell asleep because I was worn out. I did not sleep at all on the plane or anything, sleeping around unknown people is like a fear to me. Mom seemed to enjoy that in an odd way, I guess she felt comforted knowing I was asleep. But then again, once I fall asleep, waking me up is like death. HAHAHA. Oh well, I got up anyways and walked into the house and surprised sissy, it was tons of fun with a lot of emotions. I got to see my Daddy as well and I was super excited!!!! Mom knew I would crash soon, an dI actually did before she brought out the air mattress. Daddy carried me onto it. The next morning my mom and I spent time together making breakfast and talking about things I Haven’t told her much about my semester. I enjoyed it. And of course when we went to thanksgiving dinner the next day, I spent most of the time like a dog on the heels of it’s master. I would not let my mom leave my sight. What can I say? I really missed her.
November 26-December 4
For Sissy, me coming back here has not been easy for her and that same goes for me too. I hated getting back on that plane coming back. Being home made me realize what I missed about her and how much I did miss her. I miss her even more now. We managed to chat the whole time I was on the plane though, thanks to google and delta for the free on board wifi!! HAHA. Way to make time pass by. It made her feel a little bit better those 12 hours I traveled by plane with a long layover. I know that her and I grew closer. We talk about more things than we did before (when we do talk). We know not that arguing is not the way to go for us because it only hurts one another and I realized that more over Thanksgiving. I am ready to go back home.
My mom didn’t handle me leaving too well either. But I guess I got to keep my head up these next 2 ½ weeks. It will all fly by… Hopefully. The same principle goes for my mom as it did for my sister. We both realized just how much I had grown up and understood the importance of family. Because of my time with her during the break, it is really hard for me to be back. But talking to mom every night helps alleviate some of the hurt from not being home.
December 5-10
“AHHHHHHH!! One more week!” in an excited tone she says. Jerissa is already anticipating my arrival and I promise you it is like she has some serious ants in her pants. I am glad sissy is excited to be having me home soon. I know that without a doubt, I have reached my goal for this relationship. To be closer and to be able to talk to each other about more things than we would. This relationship to me now means more because of it and because of that, I am super excited to be going home soon.
My mom and I speak every night, and it is something I would not change. It has made us grow closer together. She has learned so much about me and I have learned so much about her. I now understand where she comes from on her parenting and how much she truly cares for me- it is incomprehensible. The same goes for me now towards her. I have realized how much she tried to get me to open up to her before, but she knew in her heart that I would some day, just had to be the right time. I am so glad to have gotten the opportunity to do this because the communications class gave me that extra push that I needed to try and make better a relationship with that two people I care most about.
I know without a doubt that my relationship with my mom and my sister are unsinkable. We care about each other so much and we have been through so much together. I would never change anything.
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