Expectations:
What I expect from this class is to learn more about myself and the way I and others communicate. I want to learn how to better myself because I am shy and not very outspoken when I need to be. I know that I can do better. Also, I just simply want to know what communication really is about.
Did the class meet my expectations:
The class did meet my expectations. I learned more about me in general, not just communication wise. I also got to know others and how they react to certain things. I realized that everyone is different. I also learned what communication really is about. I also learned to open my mouth just a little bit- can't get rid of the shyness yet.
Friday, December 10, 2010
He is the most gracious one- Spirit-to-Spirit
Journal entries of Spirit-To-Sprint Communication
September 14-25
Post 1-
I have been praying a lot, asking Heavenly Father what he thinks of me and who I am. I feel happier knowing he loves me and it is helping me to love myself. The struggle with my depression is unending but I have faith. I realize the big part of my life is the Gospel.
Post 2-
I have learned that the Holy Ghost communicates with me by other people. For example today my best friend, Kjirsten, having a feeling that I was having a really bad week wrote me a short note. It helped to not only brighten up my day but my week. In that letter the advice to read scriptures stuck out to me, so I opened up my Book of Mormon and flipped to some random page. Sure enough the verse that I needed was there.
“But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions. “- Alma 34:41
September 36- October 2
Post 1-
This week in my Book of Mormon class the spirit spoke out to me a lot. Which is what I needed at the time. We have been studying 1 Nephi 20-22. It talks about how the Lord reveals purposes to Israel, how he shows light unto the Gentiles, Israel is scattered upon the earth, and the gentiles will nourish Israel with the gospel in the last days. To me that struck hard and got me thinking about how God reveals things to me and how he has always been there in different ways. As a child I would often pray while my mother hunched over me prayed as well, it was an every night thing as I was getting ready to go to sleep. Even now as an adult I kneel down to pray and to me when I pray Heavenly Father gives me light unto my soul so I can go out and be an example to others.
“And he said: It is a light thing that thou shouldst be my servant to raise up the tribes of Jacob, and to restore the preserved of Israel. I will also give thee for a light to the Gentiles, that thou mayest be my salvation unto the ends of the earth.” 1 Nephi 21:6
Post 2-
Heavenly Father is teaching me a little bit of how he sees me and what he is needing of me in my time and who I should be right now. I am trying to work on myself to be a better person for Him. It isn’t always the easiest but I know since He is there for me and I have came unto Him through Christ which makes anything possible.
“What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am”- 3 Nephi 27:27
October 3-9
Post 1-
I am not going to lie I feel a little rocky right now. Between my blood disease and my past I am wondering why I get hit with so many trials. Sometimes I feel like that slack isn’t being cut and I never get a break. All I got to say is, I am trying. Frequent prayers.
“And again, be patient in tribulation until I come; and, behold, I come quickly, and my reward is with me, and they who have sought me early shall find rest to their souls. Even so. Amen.” - D&C 54:10
Post 2-
Praying to Heavenly Father has given me comfort that I have needed from my doubts. I know He loves me, I just need to have more faith in Him.
“Yea, blessed are they whose feet stand upon the land of Zion, who have obeyed my gospel; for they shall receive for their reward the good things of the earth, and it shall bring forth in its strength.” - D&C 59:3
October 10-16
Post 1-
Well, so much for that. I am sick but I know He is still there. I just got to keep moving on.
Spiritual Thought- He, the Holy One, brings peace when there is darkness.
Post 2-
I know now that He is carrying me to help me to get over this. Although I feel tired and without strength I know he is not going to let me crumble.
“He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved.” - Psalm 62:6
October 17-23
Post 1-
My faith feels a bit stronger this week. I prayed and I know I have to go to the temple this week on Saturday. I feel now that I am able to listen to the spirit better it makes me a little stronger. We have temples for a reason and I need to go and help myself have a clear mind for the gospel and to help Heavenly Father in ways I can.
“Pray always, that ye may not faint, until I come. Behold, and lo, I will come quickly, and receive you unto myself. Amen.” - D&C 88:126
Post 2-
Going to the temple today is exactly what I needed. I also learned that I need to let love in more and to try and love others better. An no offence, the rest is too personal for me to want to type out on here but I know that they will strengthen my relationship with Him.
“Behold, God is mine helper: the Lord is with them that uphold my soul.” Psalm 54:4
October 24-31
Through out the fight of depression He has shown Himself to me countless of times. If it was not for Him then I would not make it through. He is so amazing and so good to me. Through this realization I feel my testimony strengthening.
Spiritual Thought- He is all I need. He’s everything, everything I need.
October 31- November 6
No matter how hard life may get He will always be there. I want whoever reads this to know that they are loved so very much. So much more than we can comprehend. He has so much love for me and everyone else. Why is it taking until now for me to feel the power of his love? That I will keep asking myself for now.
“Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite.”- Psalm 147:5
November 7-13
I pray unto Him that my family will be protected. And indeed they are. Knowing that my twin sister has been suffering with her seizures I prayed that she will be protected and to feel better than she has been and He answered my prayers. Sometimes I underestimate Him but I learn to have faith in Him and He always shows to me just how amazing He is.
Spiritual Thought (I was singing this earlier today)-
Jesus loves me! He will stay,
Close beside me all the way;
He's prepared a home for me,
And some day His face I'll see.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.
November 14-20
So, I know I am getting tired and my body feels weak but I know that I have to go trough trials. Granted I may get angry at God a time or two, but then I realize I signed up for this. I choose this life and He had faith in me that I will be ok and eventually come unto Him and accept the Gospel and still continue to go through hard and rough patches in my life. His plan is the perfect plan I just need to learn to see that.
Spiritual Message (something I feel God telling me everyday)- Hold on to me tight, I promise you it will be alright. Just never let go.
November 21-27
I feel stronger here with my family and He knows that. He gave us family for a reason. They help us through our Earthly journey or at least they are supposed to. Sometimes you have to be the one. My family may not have the fulness of the Gospel, but they still help me and I know that I can be an example to them. My mom maybe inactive but she does know the Gospel is true and that gives me hope to know that the seed is slowly growing. God is good and is love.
“Praise ye the Lord: for it is good to sing praises unto our God; for it is pleasant; and praise is comely.” -Psalm 147:1
November 28-Dec 4
Being back in Rexburg has been hard for me. I really do miss my family and the depression is getting worse to other issues I wont discuss but I know that He knows that. I still feel alone but I know I am not. Kind of like that poem called “Footprints”. I know that He is carrying me through troubles and heart ache and pain.
Spiritual Thought- “Footprints”
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
December 5-10
If it weren’t for Heavenly Father “yelling” at me this week, I would have probably given up. He spoke to me through my best friend and I know that. She helped me so much to get through this week. She truly is in tune with the spirit and I know she loves the Gospel. I feel stronger and better now. I keep telling myself to think happy thoughts and I do. I know I have reached my goal, I wanted to grow stronger in the gospel and know that He really does love me and I know that he does.
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
September 14-25
Post 1-
I have been praying a lot, asking Heavenly Father what he thinks of me and who I am. I feel happier knowing he loves me and it is helping me to love myself. The struggle with my depression is unending but I have faith. I realize the big part of my life is the Gospel.
Post 2-
I have learned that the Holy Ghost communicates with me by other people. For example today my best friend, Kjirsten, having a feeling that I was having a really bad week wrote me a short note. It helped to not only brighten up my day but my week. In that letter the advice to read scriptures stuck out to me, so I opened up my Book of Mormon and flipped to some random page. Sure enough the verse that I needed was there.
“But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions. “- Alma 34:41
September 36- October 2
Post 1-
This week in my Book of Mormon class the spirit spoke out to me a lot. Which is what I needed at the time. We have been studying 1 Nephi 20-22. It talks about how the Lord reveals purposes to Israel, how he shows light unto the Gentiles, Israel is scattered upon the earth, and the gentiles will nourish Israel with the gospel in the last days. To me that struck hard and got me thinking about how God reveals things to me and how he has always been there in different ways. As a child I would often pray while my mother hunched over me prayed as well, it was an every night thing as I was getting ready to go to sleep. Even now as an adult I kneel down to pray and to me when I pray Heavenly Father gives me light unto my soul so I can go out and be an example to others.
“And he said: It is a light thing that thou shouldst be my servant to raise up the tribes of Jacob, and to restore the preserved of Israel. I will also give thee for a light to the Gentiles, that thou mayest be my salvation unto the ends of the earth.” 1 Nephi 21:6
Post 2-
Heavenly Father is teaching me a little bit of how he sees me and what he is needing of me in my time and who I should be right now. I am trying to work on myself to be a better person for Him. It isn’t always the easiest but I know since He is there for me and I have came unto Him through Christ which makes anything possible.
“What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am”- 3 Nephi 27:27
October 3-9
Post 1-
I am not going to lie I feel a little rocky right now. Between my blood disease and my past I am wondering why I get hit with so many trials. Sometimes I feel like that slack isn’t being cut and I never get a break. All I got to say is, I am trying. Frequent prayers.
“And again, be patient in tribulation until I come; and, behold, I come quickly, and my reward is with me, and they who have sought me early shall find rest to their souls. Even so. Amen.” - D&C 54:10
Post 2-
Praying to Heavenly Father has given me comfort that I have needed from my doubts. I know He loves me, I just need to have more faith in Him.
“Yea, blessed are they whose feet stand upon the land of Zion, who have obeyed my gospel; for they shall receive for their reward the good things of the earth, and it shall bring forth in its strength.” - D&C 59:3
October 10-16
Post 1-
Well, so much for that. I am sick but I know He is still there. I just got to keep moving on.
Spiritual Thought- He, the Holy One, brings peace when there is darkness.
Post 2-
I know now that He is carrying me to help me to get over this. Although I feel tired and without strength I know he is not going to let me crumble.
“He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved.” - Psalm 62:6
October 17-23
Post 1-
My faith feels a bit stronger this week. I prayed and I know I have to go to the temple this week on Saturday. I feel now that I am able to listen to the spirit better it makes me a little stronger. We have temples for a reason and I need to go and help myself have a clear mind for the gospel and to help Heavenly Father in ways I can.
“Pray always, that ye may not faint, until I come. Behold, and lo, I will come quickly, and receive you unto myself. Amen.” - D&C 88:126
Post 2-
Going to the temple today is exactly what I needed. I also learned that I need to let love in more and to try and love others better. An no offence, the rest is too personal for me to want to type out on here but I know that they will strengthen my relationship with Him.
“Behold, God is mine helper: the Lord is with them that uphold my soul.” Psalm 54:4
October 24-31
Through out the fight of depression He has shown Himself to me countless of times. If it was not for Him then I would not make it through. He is so amazing and so good to me. Through this realization I feel my testimony strengthening.
Spiritual Thought- He is all I need. He’s everything, everything I need.
October 31- November 6
No matter how hard life may get He will always be there. I want whoever reads this to know that they are loved so very much. So much more than we can comprehend. He has so much love for me and everyone else. Why is it taking until now for me to feel the power of his love? That I will keep asking myself for now.
“Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite.”- Psalm 147:5
November 7-13
I pray unto Him that my family will be protected. And indeed they are. Knowing that my twin sister has been suffering with her seizures I prayed that she will be protected and to feel better than she has been and He answered my prayers. Sometimes I underestimate Him but I learn to have faith in Him and He always shows to me just how amazing He is.
Spiritual Thought (I was singing this earlier today)-
Jesus loves me! He will stay,
Close beside me all the way;
He's prepared a home for me,
And some day His face I'll see.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.
November 14-20
So, I know I am getting tired and my body feels weak but I know that I have to go trough trials. Granted I may get angry at God a time or two, but then I realize I signed up for this. I choose this life and He had faith in me that I will be ok and eventually come unto Him and accept the Gospel and still continue to go through hard and rough patches in my life. His plan is the perfect plan I just need to learn to see that.
Spiritual Message (something I feel God telling me everyday)- Hold on to me tight, I promise you it will be alright. Just never let go.
November 21-27
I feel stronger here with my family and He knows that. He gave us family for a reason. They help us through our Earthly journey or at least they are supposed to. Sometimes you have to be the one. My family may not have the fulness of the Gospel, but they still help me and I know that I can be an example to them. My mom maybe inactive but she does know the Gospel is true and that gives me hope to know that the seed is slowly growing. God is good and is love.
“Praise ye the Lord: for it is good to sing praises unto our God; for it is pleasant; and praise is comely.” -Psalm 147:1
November 28-Dec 4
Being back in Rexburg has been hard for me. I really do miss my family and the depression is getting worse to other issues I wont discuss but I know that He knows that. I still feel alone but I know I am not. Kind of like that poem called “Footprints”. I know that He is carrying me through troubles and heart ache and pain.
Spiritual Thought- “Footprints”
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
December 5-10
If it weren’t for Heavenly Father “yelling” at me this week, I would have probably given up. He spoke to me through my best friend and I know that. She helped me so much to get through this week. She truly is in tune with the spirit and I know she loves the Gospel. I feel stronger and better now. I keep telling myself to think happy thoughts and I do. I know I have reached my goal, I wanted to grow stronger in the gospel and know that He really does love me and I know that he does.
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
2 of the most unsinkable relationships...
Journal Entries about my 2 relationships:
September 19-25
Post 1-
One relationship that I choose is my twin sister, Jerissa. At this point we were still growing together, despite being 2,018 miles apart. We never grew close together in our teen years until this year. I do not know what made us wake up and smell the roses. It isn't hard being away from her yet, but I have a feeling that it will be. She has always been my other half, no matter how much we argued. She was always my best friend, but it didn't truly feel like it until this last few months that just went by. I want to draw closer to her.
The other relationship I choose is my mom. Right now I am at that point where I am trying to include her. Before, due to my severe depression, I did not want her nosing into my life. Even though I still suffer with bipolar disorder, which will be a life long thing, I still have strong ties to depression, but I am learning to go to her for comfort. And I am learning more about her as times goes. I want to get an understanding of how she understands me and what her viewpoints are and how she feels about certain things, and I also want to get closer to her.
Post 2-
My sister and I haven't spoken to each other but once this week. I guess she wants space and I am not exactly liking that. Mom says that Jerissa is not doing well with me being away and that honestly hurts. So I guess I can say I am kind of being ignored by my own sister.
My mom however, we speak to each other every night and I am sure we will keep this up because I enjoy speaking to her. She makes an awesome end to a horrible day on the bad days and she is the cherry on top to good days.
September 26- October 2
Post 1-
My twin sister is speaking to me a little more this week, she frequently tells me that she misses me. Right now she is occupying herself with her job as a pre-school teacher, or early childhood intervention. We text each other every other day for about an hour or so. I just want to be able to talk to her more and know she isn’t feeling sad about me being gone.
Post 2-
My mom and I are still talking to each other every night, except for the night that I wound up hitting my head and being sent to the hospital, she had a bad feeling something was wrong the next morning when it was my best friend, Kirsten, calling and not me. Talk about mothers intuition.
October 3-9
Post 1-
My twin sister seems to really not be handling everything well. I am about right there with her. We are speaking more and more and I am starting to miss her a ton. It is getting to the point of tears for me. I learned that she resigned from working at the pre-school to work for an investigating firm. She is always so driven to go for higher and better things. We haven’t argued yet, which is good.
My mom and I still talk every night and I definitely feel it drawing us closer. I find myself telling her things that I never told her. It makes her laugh and sometimes I am shocked when she tells me that she actually knew certain things when I thought she had no clue. I have also gotten to the point where I tell her how I am feeling. She is starting to understand my battle with depression, and now my battle with chronic AIHA. I know it pains her to know I am in a lot of pain at times.
Post 2-
My twin and I haven’t spoken for this second half of the week. But I do find myself frequently thinking about her and wondering how she is feeling and such.
My mom and I have had a few interesting conversations, they are becoming a little shorter these last 2 days because I am starting to feel sick, but she still encourages me to get some rest just like any mom would.
October 10-16
Post 1-
I miss my sister soooo much right now. We had a long phone conversation, it was hard for us both. Earlier today she was kicking the ball back and forth with the wall outside of the house back at home- apparently she was bored and had a day off. Mom said she looked outside and saw Jerissa crying at some point. Jerissa told mom it was because she really wanted me home and missed me. That tore me apart. I really do miss her and I miss the fun we would have playing soccer or throwing the softball back and forth. This week has made me realize that our bond is stronger than I thought.
My mom is amazing and the best. I actually got to video chat with her this time and I cried. Oh, how I missed her. This time we were able to talk about more things and she was able to read some of my facial expressions and really tell how I was feeling. Granted I have had the flu all week so it was nice to “see” my mom. She got onto me about drinking enough water though because she could tell by my voice that I was dehydrated. I realize more and more everyday just how caring she is.
Post 2-
I haven’t spoken to Jerissa, I really don’t feel well enough to talk to her. I just need to rest. On the bright side I dream about her a lot.
Mom calls every morning and night for a few minutes to see how I am feeling, and asking if she needs to do anything for me. Really, I just want to sleep and try not to get any sicker than I am now.
October 17-23
Post 1-
My twin sister is loving her new job and is going for her private investigating certificate and license soon. She makes me so proud!
My mom is relieved over the fact that I am now able to eat and drink. That’s a plus right? I haven’t had a lto fo time to talk to her except for the good nights and I love you’s. Which I am still grateful for because I need those I love you’s at the end of the day.
Post 2-
So, I have learned that sometimes going to you sister for something’s isn’t the brightest idea. But we actually grew closer through it. It was a personal situation in which I needed advice and it led to a small argument but we worked through it. And by the end of the conversation we were laughing like nothing had happened at all.
I also went to my mom for advice on the same situation. She was much calmer while I ranted and raved my much needed rant. Which shocked me. I guess she is realizing that now that I am coming to her for things that all I really need to do is rant and be told I love you and have a hug and be told things that I need to do in a calm manner. I know our relationship is getting so much stronger just by frequent conversations.
October 24-30
Post 1-
I am deciding that with my twin sister I wont talk to her at all this week, but instead send her a letter and small gift, in the mail and see how that goes.
With mom, I am talking to her every other day and sending her a letter as well with a small gift in there as well.
Post 2-
It is the end of the week and Jerissa got her small gift and she loved it! I got her a sock monkey beanie. She loves sock monkeys and so do I. but I think her letter was her favorite part. How do I know? Mom said she slept with it tucked and folded under her pillow. If that makes Jerissa happy, so be it.
My mom enjoyed her letter and inside joke gift. And I also made up for the less phone calls by having a 2 hour long phone conversation with her about softball this weekend and how we did. She misses seeing me play out in the softball field like high school, middle, and elementary times. We talked and laughed over those old times and my pretty shiner I got on my cheek from where I was hind catcher and never cried but laughed and showed my mom, “Hey mommy! Looky at my shinny!”- I was 12 when that happened. Gave us tons of laughter looking back on it.
October 31- November 6
My twin sister and I have not spoken to each other at all this week. She has been sick and has needed her rest. So I let her do so.
My mom told me what was wrong with Jerissa. She ran out of her seizure medicine so she has been having seizures and migraines. I figured by then it was best to let her rest. Mom and I spoke and we decided that it was best for me to come home for Thanksgiving considering my Daddy is really missing me (that is what I get for being the youngest). My mom is too, lots. She finally admit that she has had a few breakdowns about me not being home anymore. She is ready to have me back, whether it be just for 4 days.
November 7-13
Jerissa hasn’t been doing well and I am wondering if she will be ok, I am sure she will though. Her and I haven’t always had it easy but we both pull through everything. She still hasn’t emerged from her room back at home but for the basic, the bathroom. Mom told me that she has to make sure she eats or else she wont. However, Jerissa has asked about me a few times, asking mom if she spoke to me, so I know she cares.
Mom and I are still at our routine where we talk every night. I have my plane tickets set for going home thanks to my mom. We have decided to keep it a surprise for my sister. A funny thing happened while talking on the phone. I told her about how when Jerissa and I were little one of us would stand on one end of the great room while the other would be at the fridge chugging Pepsi. The one standing on the other side would warn when mom was coming. It gave her a good laugh and she admit that she never knew. I know her and I are growing closer and I don’t want it to stop.
November 14-20
Jerissa finally called me today and I was really happy to talk to her, even if it was for 5 minutes. It was hard to talk to her thought because it is getting hard for me to not slip about me coming home and ruining the whole shebang surprise. But, she asked what I was doing for Thanksgiving, well, I lied and told her that I was going to Southern California and that I was taking the bus with a friend there. She ranted about how she would have preferred to have me home. She has no idea. So yeah, I am excited.
Mom has been preparing everything with me for me to come home. We have to do salt lake express tickets to SLC airport and plan how we are doing the surprise- I think mom is just going to pick me up and scare Jerissa because mom never leaves for 8 hours at a time. It takes 3 hours to get to the airport back at home. Mom and I are just laughing at the fact that Jerissa just might freak out and wonder why mom isn’t home yet at 1 am.
November 21-27
I am home and my relationship with my sister is better than ever! The surprise was fun! Jerissa actually cried like a baby that had its bottle taken away when she saw me. It was priceless. I of course cried too. What can I say I have missed her. This week her and I have done so many things!! We went to Thanksgiving dinner, suffered black Friday by driving to the city to have Panera Bread for lunch, and even had a slight disagreement as to who was putting the top on the tree- turns out we both put it on. We shared a room while I was home and she handled it pretty well considering we only had crawl space because I choose the huge king size air mattress. She wasn’t to happy about that, but she did take advantage of it my last night there, kicking me onto her small twin bed while she slept on the huge air mattress.
My mom and I also spent a lot of time together. When she picked me up from the airport she had Wendy’s frosty and fries and a few Dr. Enufs ready for me. They are my faves!!! I was most defiantly super happy. I had spend 23 hours on a bus, plane, and layovers. It was a long trip. I cried when I saw my mom and I didn’t realize just how much I had missed her. We spoke most of the way back home until I fell asleep because I was worn out. I did not sleep at all on the plane or anything, sleeping around unknown people is like a fear to me. Mom seemed to enjoy that in an odd way, I guess she felt comforted knowing I was asleep. But then again, once I fall asleep, waking me up is like death. HAHAHA. Oh well, I got up anyways and walked into the house and surprised sissy, it was tons of fun with a lot of emotions. I got to see my Daddy as well and I was super excited!!!! Mom knew I would crash soon, an dI actually did before she brought out the air mattress. Daddy carried me onto it. The next morning my mom and I spent time together making breakfast and talking about things I Haven’t told her much about my semester. I enjoyed it. And of course when we went to thanksgiving dinner the next day, I spent most of the time like a dog on the heels of it’s master. I would not let my mom leave my sight. What can I say? I really missed her.
November 26-December 4
For Sissy, me coming back here has not been easy for her and that same goes for me too. I hated getting back on that plane coming back. Being home made me realize what I missed about her and how much I did miss her. I miss her even more now. We managed to chat the whole time I was on the plane though, thanks to google and delta for the free on board wifi!! HAHA. Way to make time pass by. It made her feel a little bit better those 12 hours I traveled by plane with a long layover. I know that her and I grew closer. We talk about more things than we did before (when we do talk). We know not that arguing is not the way to go for us because it only hurts one another and I realized that more over Thanksgiving. I am ready to go back home.
My mom didn’t handle me leaving too well either. But I guess I got to keep my head up these next 2 ½ weeks. It will all fly by… Hopefully. The same principle goes for my mom as it did for my sister. We both realized just how much I had grown up and understood the importance of family. Because of my time with her during the break, it is really hard for me to be back. But talking to mom every night helps alleviate some of the hurt from not being home.
December 5-10
“AHHHHHHH!! One more week!” in an excited tone she says. Jerissa is already anticipating my arrival and I promise you it is like she has some serious ants in her pants. I am glad sissy is excited to be having me home soon. I know that without a doubt, I have reached my goal for this relationship. To be closer and to be able to talk to each other about more things than we would. This relationship to me now means more because of it and because of that, I am super excited to be going home soon.
My mom and I speak every night, and it is something I would not change. It has made us grow closer together. She has learned so much about me and I have learned so much about her. I now understand where she comes from on her parenting and how much she truly cares for me- it is incomprehensible. The same goes for me now towards her. I have realized how much she tried to get me to open up to her before, but she knew in her heart that I would some day, just had to be the right time. I am so glad to have gotten the opportunity to do this because the communications class gave me that extra push that I needed to try and make better a relationship with that two people I care most about.
I know without a doubt that my relationship with my mom and my sister are unsinkable. We care about each other so much and we have been through so much together. I would never change anything.
September 19-25
Post 1-
One relationship that I choose is my twin sister, Jerissa. At this point we were still growing together, despite being 2,018 miles apart. We never grew close together in our teen years until this year. I do not know what made us wake up and smell the roses. It isn't hard being away from her yet, but I have a feeling that it will be. She has always been my other half, no matter how much we argued. She was always my best friend, but it didn't truly feel like it until this last few months that just went by. I want to draw closer to her.
The other relationship I choose is my mom. Right now I am at that point where I am trying to include her. Before, due to my severe depression, I did not want her nosing into my life. Even though I still suffer with bipolar disorder, which will be a life long thing, I still have strong ties to depression, but I am learning to go to her for comfort. And I am learning more about her as times goes. I want to get an understanding of how she understands me and what her viewpoints are and how she feels about certain things, and I also want to get closer to her.
Post 2-
My sister and I haven't spoken to each other but once this week. I guess she wants space and I am not exactly liking that. Mom says that Jerissa is not doing well with me being away and that honestly hurts. So I guess I can say I am kind of being ignored by my own sister.
My mom however, we speak to each other every night and I am sure we will keep this up because I enjoy speaking to her. She makes an awesome end to a horrible day on the bad days and she is the cherry on top to good days.
September 26- October 2
Post 1-
My twin sister is speaking to me a little more this week, she frequently tells me that she misses me. Right now she is occupying herself with her job as a pre-school teacher, or early childhood intervention. We text each other every other day for about an hour or so. I just want to be able to talk to her more and know she isn’t feeling sad about me being gone.
Post 2-
My mom and I are still talking to each other every night, except for the night that I wound up hitting my head and being sent to the hospital, she had a bad feeling something was wrong the next morning when it was my best friend, Kirsten, calling and not me. Talk about mothers intuition.
October 3-9
Post 1-
My twin sister seems to really not be handling everything well. I am about right there with her. We are speaking more and more and I am starting to miss her a ton. It is getting to the point of tears for me. I learned that she resigned from working at the pre-school to work for an investigating firm. She is always so driven to go for higher and better things. We haven’t argued yet, which is good.
My mom and I still talk every night and I definitely feel it drawing us closer. I find myself telling her things that I never told her. It makes her laugh and sometimes I am shocked when she tells me that she actually knew certain things when I thought she had no clue. I have also gotten to the point where I tell her how I am feeling. She is starting to understand my battle with depression, and now my battle with chronic AIHA. I know it pains her to know I am in a lot of pain at times.
Post 2-
My twin and I haven’t spoken for this second half of the week. But I do find myself frequently thinking about her and wondering how she is feeling and such.
My mom and I have had a few interesting conversations, they are becoming a little shorter these last 2 days because I am starting to feel sick, but she still encourages me to get some rest just like any mom would.
October 10-16
Post 1-
I miss my sister soooo much right now. We had a long phone conversation, it was hard for us both. Earlier today she was kicking the ball back and forth with the wall outside of the house back at home- apparently she was bored and had a day off. Mom said she looked outside and saw Jerissa crying at some point. Jerissa told mom it was because she really wanted me home and missed me. That tore me apart. I really do miss her and I miss the fun we would have playing soccer or throwing the softball back and forth. This week has made me realize that our bond is stronger than I thought.
My mom is amazing and the best. I actually got to video chat with her this time and I cried. Oh, how I missed her. This time we were able to talk about more things and she was able to read some of my facial expressions and really tell how I was feeling. Granted I have had the flu all week so it was nice to “see” my mom. She got onto me about drinking enough water though because she could tell by my voice that I was dehydrated. I realize more and more everyday just how caring she is.
Post 2-
I haven’t spoken to Jerissa, I really don’t feel well enough to talk to her. I just need to rest. On the bright side I dream about her a lot.
Mom calls every morning and night for a few minutes to see how I am feeling, and asking if she needs to do anything for me. Really, I just want to sleep and try not to get any sicker than I am now.
October 17-23
Post 1-
My twin sister is loving her new job and is going for her private investigating certificate and license soon. She makes me so proud!
My mom is relieved over the fact that I am now able to eat and drink. That’s a plus right? I haven’t had a lto fo time to talk to her except for the good nights and I love you’s. Which I am still grateful for because I need those I love you’s at the end of the day.
Post 2-
So, I have learned that sometimes going to you sister for something’s isn’t the brightest idea. But we actually grew closer through it. It was a personal situation in which I needed advice and it led to a small argument but we worked through it. And by the end of the conversation we were laughing like nothing had happened at all.
I also went to my mom for advice on the same situation. She was much calmer while I ranted and raved my much needed rant. Which shocked me. I guess she is realizing that now that I am coming to her for things that all I really need to do is rant and be told I love you and have a hug and be told things that I need to do in a calm manner. I know our relationship is getting so much stronger just by frequent conversations.
October 24-30
Post 1-
I am deciding that with my twin sister I wont talk to her at all this week, but instead send her a letter and small gift, in the mail and see how that goes.
With mom, I am talking to her every other day and sending her a letter as well with a small gift in there as well.
Post 2-
It is the end of the week and Jerissa got her small gift and she loved it! I got her a sock monkey beanie. She loves sock monkeys and so do I. but I think her letter was her favorite part. How do I know? Mom said she slept with it tucked and folded under her pillow. If that makes Jerissa happy, so be it.
My mom enjoyed her letter and inside joke gift. And I also made up for the less phone calls by having a 2 hour long phone conversation with her about softball this weekend and how we did. She misses seeing me play out in the softball field like high school, middle, and elementary times. We talked and laughed over those old times and my pretty shiner I got on my cheek from where I was hind catcher and never cried but laughed and showed my mom, “Hey mommy! Looky at my shinny!”- I was 12 when that happened. Gave us tons of laughter looking back on it.
October 31- November 6
My twin sister and I have not spoken to each other at all this week. She has been sick and has needed her rest. So I let her do so.
My mom told me what was wrong with Jerissa. She ran out of her seizure medicine so she has been having seizures and migraines. I figured by then it was best to let her rest. Mom and I spoke and we decided that it was best for me to come home for Thanksgiving considering my Daddy is really missing me (that is what I get for being the youngest). My mom is too, lots. She finally admit that she has had a few breakdowns about me not being home anymore. She is ready to have me back, whether it be just for 4 days.
November 7-13
Jerissa hasn’t been doing well and I am wondering if she will be ok, I am sure she will though. Her and I haven’t always had it easy but we both pull through everything. She still hasn’t emerged from her room back at home but for the basic, the bathroom. Mom told me that she has to make sure she eats or else she wont. However, Jerissa has asked about me a few times, asking mom if she spoke to me, so I know she cares.
Mom and I are still at our routine where we talk every night. I have my plane tickets set for going home thanks to my mom. We have decided to keep it a surprise for my sister. A funny thing happened while talking on the phone. I told her about how when Jerissa and I were little one of us would stand on one end of the great room while the other would be at the fridge chugging Pepsi. The one standing on the other side would warn when mom was coming. It gave her a good laugh and she admit that she never knew. I know her and I are growing closer and I don’t want it to stop.
November 14-20
Jerissa finally called me today and I was really happy to talk to her, even if it was for 5 minutes. It was hard to talk to her thought because it is getting hard for me to not slip about me coming home and ruining the whole shebang surprise. But, she asked what I was doing for Thanksgiving, well, I lied and told her that I was going to Southern California and that I was taking the bus with a friend there. She ranted about how she would have preferred to have me home. She has no idea. So yeah, I am excited.
Mom has been preparing everything with me for me to come home. We have to do salt lake express tickets to SLC airport and plan how we are doing the surprise- I think mom is just going to pick me up and scare Jerissa because mom never leaves for 8 hours at a time. It takes 3 hours to get to the airport back at home. Mom and I are just laughing at the fact that Jerissa just might freak out and wonder why mom isn’t home yet at 1 am.
November 21-27
I am home and my relationship with my sister is better than ever! The surprise was fun! Jerissa actually cried like a baby that had its bottle taken away when she saw me. It was priceless. I of course cried too. What can I say I have missed her. This week her and I have done so many things!! We went to Thanksgiving dinner, suffered black Friday by driving to the city to have Panera Bread for lunch, and even had a slight disagreement as to who was putting the top on the tree- turns out we both put it on. We shared a room while I was home and she handled it pretty well considering we only had crawl space because I choose the huge king size air mattress. She wasn’t to happy about that, but she did take advantage of it my last night there, kicking me onto her small twin bed while she slept on the huge air mattress.
My mom and I also spent a lot of time together. When she picked me up from the airport she had Wendy’s frosty and fries and a few Dr. Enufs ready for me. They are my faves!!! I was most defiantly super happy. I had spend 23 hours on a bus, plane, and layovers. It was a long trip. I cried when I saw my mom and I didn’t realize just how much I had missed her. We spoke most of the way back home until I fell asleep because I was worn out. I did not sleep at all on the plane or anything, sleeping around unknown people is like a fear to me. Mom seemed to enjoy that in an odd way, I guess she felt comforted knowing I was asleep. But then again, once I fall asleep, waking me up is like death. HAHAHA. Oh well, I got up anyways and walked into the house and surprised sissy, it was tons of fun with a lot of emotions. I got to see my Daddy as well and I was super excited!!!! Mom knew I would crash soon, an dI actually did before she brought out the air mattress. Daddy carried me onto it. The next morning my mom and I spent time together making breakfast and talking about things I Haven’t told her much about my semester. I enjoyed it. And of course when we went to thanksgiving dinner the next day, I spent most of the time like a dog on the heels of it’s master. I would not let my mom leave my sight. What can I say? I really missed her.
November 26-December 4
For Sissy, me coming back here has not been easy for her and that same goes for me too. I hated getting back on that plane coming back. Being home made me realize what I missed about her and how much I did miss her. I miss her even more now. We managed to chat the whole time I was on the plane though, thanks to google and delta for the free on board wifi!! HAHA. Way to make time pass by. It made her feel a little bit better those 12 hours I traveled by plane with a long layover. I know that her and I grew closer. We talk about more things than we did before (when we do talk). We know not that arguing is not the way to go for us because it only hurts one another and I realized that more over Thanksgiving. I am ready to go back home.
My mom didn’t handle me leaving too well either. But I guess I got to keep my head up these next 2 ½ weeks. It will all fly by… Hopefully. The same principle goes for my mom as it did for my sister. We both realized just how much I had grown up and understood the importance of family. Because of my time with her during the break, it is really hard for me to be back. But talking to mom every night helps alleviate some of the hurt from not being home.
December 5-10
“AHHHHHHH!! One more week!” in an excited tone she says. Jerissa is already anticipating my arrival and I promise you it is like she has some serious ants in her pants. I am glad sissy is excited to be having me home soon. I know that without a doubt, I have reached my goal for this relationship. To be closer and to be able to talk to each other about more things than we would. This relationship to me now means more because of it and because of that, I am super excited to be going home soon.
My mom and I speak every night, and it is something I would not change. It has made us grow closer together. She has learned so much about me and I have learned so much about her. I now understand where she comes from on her parenting and how much she truly cares for me- it is incomprehensible. The same goes for me now towards her. I have realized how much she tried to get me to open up to her before, but she knew in her heart that I would some day, just had to be the right time. I am so glad to have gotten the opportunity to do this because the communications class gave me that extra push that I needed to try and make better a relationship with that two people I care most about.
I know without a doubt that my relationship with my mom and my sister are unsinkable. We care about each other so much and we have been through so much together. I would never change anything.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
The BYU-I Experience!!!
Journal entries about me and my BYU-I experience.Sept 19-25
Post 1-
I am not much for writing in Journals or expressing myself. So far my experience has been ok. I am just trying to figure out what I am supposed to do and why I am really here. A part of me regrets coming here because it is so new and I hate change. But I am around some old friends that also came here for college, and that part I am thankful for. That is all I really have to say for the day.
Post 2-
I am getting a little bit more used to this place. My friends dragged me to a country dance this week and that was tons of fun, but apparently I need to stick to swing dancing. Also, my best friend and her roommate invited me to go bridge jumping but I am not allowed to jump from high points because I have a Cochlear Implant and the quick change of pressure like that can mess up my Cochlear Implant. I still went and had fun watching them make fools of themselves and laughing. My favorite part was watching the water fall and the mist come off of it. Also, I am excited because we have our first game tonight.
Sept 26-Oct 2
Post 1-
So far this week I have gotten used to two of my classes and I am really beginning to find some middle ground in them. I am still a little distracted by spending time with some friends, which is a good distraction I guess, a lot better than the ones at my old university though. Not a lot happened today aside from the fact I went to my Heber J. Grant class- this one girl made me mad. She said that she probably one upped everyone in the fact of seeing the real world. Which she should not have said because she doesn’t know what everyone has gone through and what their battles are. On the other hand of the BYU-I experience my house mates are pretty interesting.
Post 2-
This last half of the week has been kind of stressful. A little bit of home sickness is kicking in and homework is starting to pile up. So far this week we have had some softball games which is good, I need it. I need to be back in my element because I have missed it so much. The BYU-I experience this week needed the good end because in all honestly, I was starting to feel really sad. But on the other hand, I am really looking forward to General Conference this weekend.
October 3-9
Post 1-
General Conference was this weekend and I like it a lot. Of course it was hard for me to stay awake because I stayed up late both nights- but I managed. I especially loves President Monsons talk about how missionary service is a priesthood duty-- an obligation the Lord expects of us who have been given very much. Church (mostly the activities we have during the week) is starting to become more interesting and I am starting to know some names, even if it is my RS leaders.. Hahaha. But aside from church activities I had softball practice today and that was really awesome!!! I am starting to get to know my team-mates and they are insane, we have Tiana, Jarica, Kellie, Becca, Christina, Mary, Kailin, and Kayla- oh and of course there is me. I play 2nd base and it makes me happy. Tonight I have a Book of Mormon class and I don’t know if I really like it yet. I like the principles and stuff, just hate how late the class is which is 7-9 and I am usually about to shut down by then. But we will see as the semester goes on.
Post 2-
All I have to say is this week has turned out not like I thought it would. I have felt sick and decided to go to the doctors in which they put me through some blood tests, turns out I have a auto immune blood disease. I am guessing I have had this for many years because my doctors has suspected it before, but weren’t sure of what it was. At times in the past I would be in bed laying on my stomach while in pain- it was my spleen. I am learning to battle it though. Taking more vitamin C for my immune system. It has effected me being here because right now, I really want to go home. But my mom always tells me to keep my chin up and that I can do it. I love her for it. Which is why I am staying. I know I was sent here for a reason. Although, my experience right now isn’t very good.
October 10-16
Post 1-
Today I am not having much of an experience except the fact that I am sick with this forsaken flu so I haven’t been able to go to my classes or softball practice. So that is my experience right now.
Post 2-
Apparently, I have the most amazing best friends. My best friends Kjirsten and Brittany both brought me food today, it wasn’t anything much except chicken noodle, crackers, and some sprite and water to drink. I hadn’t been able to get up all day and felt weak. But they are awesome and came in my room and sat on the floor next to my bed and spoke to me and made sure I ate. They also knew I must have felt socially starved. I may be a loner, but at the same time I like to talk to someone- especially my best friends. They also felt it wasn’t right to not see me cause it is routine that we all spend some sort of time together almost everyday. I love them to pieces. Other than that little experience, not a lot happened, I mostly rest, which is what I was told to do.
October 17-23
Post 1-
Wow… now that I am back in school the work and stuff is pile back up. I am turning in things that was due last week and getting a little late start on something’s due this week. Also I have to build myself back up a little bit in softball because I am still a little weak from being sick. But I am sure by the time the games roll around this weekend I will have my spark.
Post 2-
So, it all turns out that I have my spark back. I got a bunch of outs tonight in the game which was awesome. And I made a hit to the fence and was completely excited. But aside from that, my experiences have also given me the chance to get to know my team-mates a lot better. I have grown to love those girls to pieces. This coming week is also the last week of softball and in all honestly, I am terribly sad about that fact. It has been the most exciting thing for me here at BYU-I thus far. I really will miss playing.
October 24-30
This week has been so much fun, we have had a ward Halloween thing, Halloween dance, and a bunch of other things going on. In communications class we were asked to do some interesting things so I went dressed up as myself to a few Halloween things just to see how people would react, it was interesting. But, I loved how there were students dressed as the tetris group, hehehe, it was great. J Most of the week was spent doing homework and doctors though. Not what I really want to talk about.
October 31-November 6
My experience this week has not been as well. I almost feel ready to give up. I am trying to focus in school and I can’t. I feel weak from the blood disease and lungs. But I can’t give up, no matter how bad it all maybe. I know I am here for a reason and that is what makes me continue this BYU-I experience. I did manage to go country dancing this weekend with my room-mate since she really wanted me to go with her. That was probably the only fun thing about this week. Other than that the week has revolved around ward activities, doctors, and needles. Ehh, but I know I just have to have faith and He will make things better when He thinks best. I just gotta keep my head up.
November 7-13
I am ready to go home, no joke. My emotions are raging- I need a release. I can’t hide very much anymore. Atleast there is a bright side to all of this. I went to the Hot Springs and was able to relax. It helped a lot with the pain that I get from being sick. My friends were there too, they goofed of and played games and relaxed quite a bit with me. It was nice to have all of us together though and to get out. Also, I had a friend come up from Logan come and stay with me. It was nice to be able to spend some time with her.
November 14-20
I really can’t focus in my classes. But this week I have been working on the paper for my groups communications project and it is really interesting. Also in my other classes we are preparing for Thanksgiving and have talked a lot about blessings. And in church we are doing a lot of that too. I really am enjoying that part of this week. But I am super stressed.
November 21-27
Well, I am not on campus at all this week. I decided to go home for thanksgiving and spend time with my family. I need it really bad and I have missed my family a ton. Me and my twin sister decided we were going to put up the Christmas tree and completely enjoy ourselves- but the enjoying ourselves did not happen a lot. I did most of the work and she thought she was going to put the top on the tree. Oh well. We both wound up putting it on the tree at the same time. And got to see speedway in lights back at home.
November 28- December 4
Well, being back has been really hard for me. I did not want to come back to Rexburg at all. I would much rather be with my family. I like it here, don’t get me wrong, but goodness, I didn’t realize how much I had missed them until I was with them. Now being back I haven’t had any experiences except the fact that today is my best friends birthday and the Jane Austen Yule Ball- which I am not going to. So yeah, that’s it.
December 5-9
The BYU-I experience has been stressful this week. I, along with many other students, are preparing for the final exams and assignments. Some students are having mental and emotional breakdowns and I am being one of the few. But I look back on the experience and I realize, it is not at all what I expected. I was trialed a lot- there were tons of things that I did not mention for the fact that it is personal. But being here has made me realize a lot of things. It has made me realize how important my family is to me, how there are very few true friends, how much I need the gospel in my life
Photos of my life!!!
It explains me and my roommates
Christmas Nessie
Ripley's of the Smokies at speedway in lights
Me and my pumpkin
Brittany, Me, and Kjirsten at the Halloween dance
My Group! They are amazing.
My roomates and their dates going to the Jane Austen Yule Ball!!! So cute!
Midnight at 137 anyone?
Be and Brittany at Kjirstens birthday lunch!
Kjirsten!! The birthday girl!
Mary and I freezing our bums off while in the dugout waiting for our turn to bat!
The Falls!!
Everyone in the freezing water!!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
So.. wanna nose into my life huh? (September 19-25)
First post about me:
Honestly, I am here partially in the search for myself. I lost myself through depression, forgetting me. I still struggle with it and it is not fun at all. I want to find out my likes and dislikes again and I want to get back into sports since it was always my release. But the sports part should be easy because I have had softball tryouts this weekend. It made me happy to be playing around, throwing and hitting a ball. I felt like I was in my element.
Second post about me:
I have been praying a lot, asking Heavenly Father what he thinks of me and who I am. I feel happier knowing he loves me and it is helping me to love myself. The struggle with my depression is unending but I have faith. I realize the big part of my life is the Gospel.
“What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am”- 3 Nephi 27:27
Honestly, I am here partially in the search for myself. I lost myself through depression, forgetting me. I still struggle with it and it is not fun at all. I want to find out my likes and dislikes again and I want to get back into sports since it was always my release. But the sports part should be easy because I have had softball tryouts this weekend. It made me happy to be playing around, throwing and hitting a ball. I felt like I was in my element.
Second post about me:
I have been praying a lot, asking Heavenly Father what he thinks of me and who I am. I feel happier knowing he loves me and it is helping me to love myself. The struggle with my depression is unending but I have faith. I realize the big part of my life is the Gospel.
“What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am”- 3 Nephi 27:27
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Me, myself, and I
With-in this entry I will post 10 things that I think that are great about me, three of my most meaningful experiences, and what I feel about myself- who I am and who I want to become. And in later posts there will be more, but this is the main entry.
10 things that i think are great about me. Hmmmm, I found this one rather hard but I really thought about it. 1) I love how I love the gospel so much. It has kept me strong with enduring faith that endures to the end- and to me there is no end to my faith. 2) I love how I can adapt to different situations. I have learned this through out childhood, learning to act appropriate in certain situations. Which in the long run will help with my communication skills- making it stronger. 3) I love my smile. Not meaning to sound stuck up or anything. But I really do love it. I love how I can use it to make others smile and it makes me happy to see other people smiling. And I can also use it with-in my family and friend relationship, I kind of think it as a relationship builder. Most friendships simply start with a smile. 4) I love how I can listen well. To me it is a skill that is needed in life. Listening is a part of our survival. Our survival in friendships and family relationships. Without good listening skills most relationships will fall. it can't be a give and give relationship, there has to be give and take. In relationships there have to be talking and listening from both sides. 5) With the listening being said, I love how I can easily express myself with words and body expressions. It makes it easier for people to understand me. But when I want to hide how I feel it can easily be done for me. 6) Cooking abilities. I know this while 10 things I love about me just took a turn, but I really love my cooking abilities. And I know others who do as well. To me it is a way that I vent- throwing in different ingredients and letting my mind wander while at the same time focusing on the smells and taste. Eating is the reward. 7) Athletic abilities. My athletic abilities is also another way that I vent. Well, cooking and athletics kind of go hand in hand. I know I can go run off any extra negative energy or those calories that I consumed while eating. I know I can run fast and hit hard when it comes to softball. Softball is my favorite sport and it is on the softball diamond where I feel at home the most and without my athletic abilities, it would not be possible. 8) I love how I can love. Make sense? I didn't think so. What I mean is, I love how I can love others. Loving them by serving them and basically being there for them in times of need. Loving them by being arms in waiting, open for a hug. 9) I love knowing that I am smarter than I think. I always put myself down a lot but when I bounce back, my eyes open to a lot of new things. But I bounce back while I do my school work, realizing that learning comes so naturally to me. I consume it like a sponge consumes water. 10) My strength. Life has been rough for me, something not a lot of people know. But throughout my childhood and teenage years I had to have strength and with that constant use it just kept growing. It really prepared me even more for my own real world. But I admit I am overly cautious and I learning not to be, because I know now that I am safe.
Three of my most meaningful experiences are all when I was surrounded by family. The first one being when I was baptized into the church. I has just turned 15, despite being born into the church, I was never baptized til then. The second is when I made the decision to try to make it to BYU-I. I worked harder in school, applied to attend school here. And then discussed everything with my family and let them know that I made the decision of going to school here. We all knew that it would build my testimony so much. The third was when I was sick and my family supported me, I lost the rest of my hearing from being sick and they stuck by my decision of getting a cochlear implant. It took months of recovery and speech and hearing therapy and 2 surgeries- one to put in the implant, the other to have my tonsils taken out due to a severe infection that was building in my system.
What do I feel about myself? That is a good question. It fluctuates. There are days where I hate myself and I really want to fall off the face of the earth and to never reappear. Then there are days that I love myself- those are the days that my internal strength pull through. Today, I love myself. I am learning to love myself more and more everyday with help from my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. My faith in them keep me strong and learn of charity- truest of love. Some people may be like, "whatever, how could that possibly be?" And all I have to say is, "IT IS." I know that Jesus is the Christ and that I have a father in Heaven whom a lot of people, I as well, call God. Without them, i would not be where I am today. Matter of fact, I do not think I would be alive. So all in all. I love myself and it has not been an easy road to do so.
10 things that i think are great about me. Hmmmm, I found this one rather hard but I really thought about it. 1) I love how I love the gospel so much. It has kept me strong with enduring faith that endures to the end- and to me there is no end to my faith. 2) I love how I can adapt to different situations. I have learned this through out childhood, learning to act appropriate in certain situations. Which in the long run will help with my communication skills- making it stronger. 3) I love my smile. Not meaning to sound stuck up or anything. But I really do love it. I love how I can use it to make others smile and it makes me happy to see other people smiling. And I can also use it with-in my family and friend relationship, I kind of think it as a relationship builder. Most friendships simply start with a smile. 4) I love how I can listen well. To me it is a skill that is needed in life. Listening is a part of our survival. Our survival in friendships and family relationships. Without good listening skills most relationships will fall. it can't be a give and give relationship, there has to be give and take. In relationships there have to be talking and listening from both sides. 5) With the listening being said, I love how I can easily express myself with words and body expressions. It makes it easier for people to understand me. But when I want to hide how I feel it can easily be done for me. 6) Cooking abilities. I know this while 10 things I love about me just took a turn, but I really love my cooking abilities. And I know others who do as well. To me it is a way that I vent- throwing in different ingredients and letting my mind wander while at the same time focusing on the smells and taste. Eating is the reward. 7) Athletic abilities. My athletic abilities is also another way that I vent. Well, cooking and athletics kind of go hand in hand. I know I can go run off any extra negative energy or those calories that I consumed while eating. I know I can run fast and hit hard when it comes to softball. Softball is my favorite sport and it is on the softball diamond where I feel at home the most and without my athletic abilities, it would not be possible. 8) I love how I can love. Make sense? I didn't think so. What I mean is, I love how I can love others. Loving them by serving them and basically being there for them in times of need. Loving them by being arms in waiting, open for a hug. 9) I love knowing that I am smarter than I think. I always put myself down a lot but when I bounce back, my eyes open to a lot of new things. But I bounce back while I do my school work, realizing that learning comes so naturally to me. I consume it like a sponge consumes water. 10) My strength. Life has been rough for me, something not a lot of people know. But throughout my childhood and teenage years I had to have strength and with that constant use it just kept growing. It really prepared me even more for my own real world. But I admit I am overly cautious and I learning not to be, because I know now that I am safe.
Three of my most meaningful experiences are all when I was surrounded by family. The first one being when I was baptized into the church. I has just turned 15, despite being born into the church, I was never baptized til then. The second is when I made the decision to try to make it to BYU-I. I worked harder in school, applied to attend school here. And then discussed everything with my family and let them know that I made the decision of going to school here. We all knew that it would build my testimony so much. The third was when I was sick and my family supported me, I lost the rest of my hearing from being sick and they stuck by my decision of getting a cochlear implant. It took months of recovery and speech and hearing therapy and 2 surgeries- one to put in the implant, the other to have my tonsils taken out due to a severe infection that was building in my system.
What do I feel about myself? That is a good question. It fluctuates. There are days where I hate myself and I really want to fall off the face of the earth and to never reappear. Then there are days that I love myself- those are the days that my internal strength pull through. Today, I love myself. I am learning to love myself more and more everyday with help from my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. My faith in them keep me strong and learn of charity- truest of love. Some people may be like, "whatever, how could that possibly be?" And all I have to say is, "IT IS." I know that Jesus is the Christ and that I have a father in Heaven whom a lot of people, I as well, call God. Without them, i would not be where I am today. Matter of fact, I do not think I would be alive. So all in all. I love myself and it has not been an easy road to do so.
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